Then, Now, Forever - Witchcraft, My Wife, and Raising Kids as a Pagan

oftentimes in discussion about my wife, aucheya, I refer to her as my spiritual partner. this is a term that's personal to both of us, and is in wide reference to our experiences growing up and developing a pagan witch path together. our spirituality is an intimate experience that we share, and has influence on our love for each other as well as our love for our children, and how we want to raise them.

I met aucheya a year before I officially decided to begin witchcraft. at the time, I still remember that we were almost immediately drawn to each other. we clicked instantly and quickly developed a desire to remain friends. she had a very different experience regarding religion and spirituality than I - her parents are amazigh immigrants who passed down a lot of their practices to her, and influenced much of how she practices now. even then, stuck under the intense eye of my parents and their religion, I was generally very open and loved hearing about her family's beliefs and practices.

when I decided to start going down the path of witchcraft, she was right there supporting me, and was eager to hear about what I wanted to try. that listening ear and encouragement was something I didn't really have anywhere else in my life, and I clung to it and the sense of hope it gave me. I would often sit with her in the backyard, talking about things I wanted to do and look for. at all times she was there - her soft voice and words of encouragement.

it wasn't a one sided experience, either. she showed me over the years many things passed down to her from her family. she showed me her family's altar, described the things she'd been taught about her ancestors and creation myths. I didn't entirely realize it at the time, but these weren't things she freely shared with any other friends at the time - she trusted me with that information, and with her hopes to carry on practicing her family's beliefs. that meant the world to me, and it still does.

we started dating right as I went to college, and we were able to explore new aspects of our identities side by side. she was there with me every step of the way, and participating in spirituality together was something we took a lot of joy in. our paths were and are very different, but that didn't matter to us - what mattered was that we were able to share those moments together when we couldn't with anyone else.

I've never really believed in twin flames - I find the concept of them to have been abused too often for me to find any real meaning in it. however, I do think our connection has significance spiritually, a belief we both share. we've both been told by elders in our nations and by various other witches in our lives that our souls seem incredibly old, like we've been born and reincarnated since the very beginning. we've come to believe that this is where our relationship starts - that we were together in our very first lives, and have been able to circle back around to find each other again.

some might call this cheesy, or strange, or impossible - I don't especially care. it is a belief and bond that is special to both of us. we are committed to each other for what we can only hope is the rest of this lifetime, and many lifetimes after it, and joining our spiritual beliefs together is something that brings us beauty and joy.

when we started participating together in raising our kids, we talked a lot about religion and how we wanted to portray that to them. especially as someone who went through religious abuse and indoctrination, I wanted to make sure that our children would never feel trapped like I did, and would never feel obligated to stick to one path for their life.

to us, part of being pagan is showing our kids that there is no right or wrong way to be spiritual, as long as you're not hurting or discriminating against everyone. even within our quad we have a variety of paths with me and aucheya following our separate indigenous faiths and crafts, one of our boyfriends being agnostic, and the other being a witch but not pagan. we make an effort to show that all of these things are okay, and encourage them to ask questions about other religions so we can teach them respect for others and encourage them to grow.

we want their memories of participating in any holidays and rituals with us to be happy ones, and to let them know as they get older that they can choose not to participate anymore at any time. qe answer their questions about our own practices, as well as other religions and faiths, and encourage them to think for themselves about what they want to do with those things. we want them to feel safe exploring those things, and to know that we'll support them no matter what they choose to follow.

for me, transitioning to witchcraft and paganism meant finding freedom to be myself and to forge my own path. that is what we want for our children, as pagans - for them to feel safe and free to choose what they want, and to have safe and happy experiences with us. our kids are still young as of writing this and we can't say yet what they'll do with their lives and spirituality as they get older - but whatever it is, we want to support them, and we want them to be fully themselves and fully accepting of others. that is what it means for me to be a pagan parent, and one sharing this journey with my spiritual partner.